06.02.2021 в 14:57
The post-SPN meteoric rise of Misha CollinsURL комментария
ЧАСТЬ 3
***
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He picked up the phone without realizing it and his agent was already talking a mile a minute. " -- will not BELIEVE who wants you to come in and audition!"
Audition.
God, how he hated that word. He rolled over on the uncomfortable couch and the old sсript pages he'd been autographing for eBay drifted to the floor like feathers from angel wings and he sadly made a note of the irony so he could share it with Twitter later. "At any point in this sсript, do I eat a baby?"
His agent paused for a few seconds too long. "I think that's a really oversimplified way of --”
"DO I EAT A BABY?"
"I'll... call you back."
He shivered into the trench coat.
***
2023
The execs at Dancing with the Stars hadn't gotten back to him. And since he was watching the first episode of the new season of Dancing with the Stars on his couch, the trench coat wrapped tightly around him, he was pretty sure they weren't going to call. Unless Katherine Heigl fell down again. At this thought, he perked up again and thought the word fall really hard at the television.
Well, at least he still had the convention circuit, right?
Speaking of which, he had fans out there. Fans he should interact with.
He visited FuckyDoneGotMeFuckedUpFamFUCKYEAH2021's profile as he often did.
The pinned post at the top of Fucky's profile said: FUCKY OUT THERE DOIN WHAT DESTIEL COULD NOT
He hesitated, but composed a hasty reply to the pinned tweet. "what the hell is fucky?"
MINIONS CHORUS: OMG HE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT FUCKY I MEAN CAN YOU NOT THAT’S ADORABLE I AM SCREAMING
***
2024
"This 'what the hell is fucky' meme? This is the best thing to happen to your career, MC Skat Cat. Listen, don't think of it like... intellectually, think of it like your foot in the door, you know? Exposure!”
Misha ignored his agent, holding the phone closer to his ear. "But consider this. A reality show, about my life, like a look at the quirky inner workings of my family? And like my kids are nuts and I'm kinda nuts too? And we cook things and I make chairs and some of the humor is that I kind of make people uncomfortable like with my intensity. Shake the paradigm, you know?"
He could practically see his agent nodding, ruminating, turning over the idea, kicking the tires. "Let me run that up the flagpole, Big M, and I'll call you back."
He felt good about this. Really good.
He had the conventions coming up. He was still out there. He was still grinding, keeping his brand alive. Not everyone could be in a successful reboot of the Indiana Jones franchise or a critically-acclaimed gritty noir remake of Pride & Prejudice. There was integrity in acting because of a raw need... for... food. His Supernatural money wasn’t going to last forever.
A couple week later, his phone rang, a sound he was starting to dread more than any other sound in the world. Was it an offer worthy of his talent, or was it another insult?
It was his contact at the convention. "I know this is a little late notice, Mr. Collins, but we wanted to know if we could shift your panel to one of the venues here that's a little more intimate."
"Intimate? You mean smaller."
"Well, yes. I mean, we need the space we reserved for you for a big up-and-coming panel: 'Romancing the Bromance: Falcon and Bucky." He chuckled. "The kids call it --"
"Fucky," Misha said bitterly. "Another ship that only exists in the minds of a desperate, sexually-frustrated fandom?"
There was a long silence on the line. "Uh, no. They're... the characters are married. Well, it was a hand-fasting sort of thing in a church. It was very meaningful. On the finale last season, Hydra kidnapped Sam and Bucky reverted back to his Hydra programming. We're gonna have Anthony AND Seb and --"
Misha abruptly ended the call and tried to collect his bearings. So Mucky... what? MUCKY MEANT NOTHING?
Twitter would know what to do.
MishaCollins: #TBT @ JensenAckles You could probably steal this look for Indiana Jones but you'd have to be a real man to pull it off xoxo #knowyourlimitations #cantbestopped #looktoyourleader #youreoutthereflyinghigh #imhererideordie #alwayswatching #betterthanfucky
Misha uploaded a picture of himself in the trench coat. It felt like it had always been home for him. From the signed sсript pages and some rubber cement, he fashioned makeshift angel wings that flared out menacingly behind him.
MINIONS CHORUS: WHY IS HE SO SALTY ABOUT A CANON GAY SHIP, ISN’T THIS PROGRESS??? #PROBLEMATIC #WHITEMANWALKING MISHA COLLINS IS... CANCELLED!
When the notification came in, as soon as he got done trying (and failing) to make sense of it, Jared frantically texted Jensen.
Jared: do NOT look at twitter rn ignore that notification
Jensen: did i drunk tweet again
Jared: no no just no twitter ok
Jensen: a morning without twitter?
Jensen: heavens no
Jensen: girls in Brazil are countin on me
Jensen: but that makes me wanna look
Jensen: AND YOU KNOW THIS
Jared: don't do it
Jared: DO NOT
Jensen: shit
Jensen: what'd he do now?
Jared: well it's -- remember when he wrote that editorial for Huffpost about how a person can be gay without knowing? this is like way worse
Jared: like a 50-50 split between actual
Jared: psychotic break or maybe
Jared: idk, performance art?
Jared: I mean does it look like a psychotic break because it's really performance art or
Jensen: stop
Jensen: stop typing
Jensen: i do not have the caffeine for your shit
Jensen: wait
Jensen: back the fuck up
Jensen: he's wearing the coat
Jensen: the one wardrobe accused us of taking???
Jared: I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK
Jensen: KNOWING THAT I WOULD LOOK
Jensen: WHEN YOU SAID IT
Jared: should we call someone
Jared: i feel like he might need some kind of help
Jensen: alright i wasn't gonna show you
Jensen: he sent me this a month ago
Jensen: (uploads photo of a t-shirt that reads, over a jagged and abstract moose silhouette: "Jared Padalecki? More like JARED PADACOCKBLOCKY")
Jared: wow
Jensen: i know
Jared: but i mean
Jared: that doesn't even
Jared: it doesn't even "scan" right?
Jared: it has an extra syllable
Jared: jensen
Jensen: oh i'm sorry i was hitting myself in the face as hard as i could
Jensen: but yes
Jensen: that's the big issue with it jared
Jensen: that it doesn't "scan"
Jensen: you nailed it buddy 👍
Jared: shut up
Jared: hey
Jared: is it weird that I kinda want one?
Jared: jayyy
Jared: is that weird
Jensen: i bought you one for your birthday
Jensen: but you have to act surprised